In Your Bidness

The State of Arkansas is not my kids mama. Unfortunately, she thinks she is.

My daughter walked in from her first day of school and presented us with the traditional stack of paperwork. Among the assorted permission slips and acknowledgments was a new one. We were supposed to inform the school district what out of school physical fitness program our child was enrolled in. The document was quite stern and referenced Arkansas law. I threw it away.

For some reason, the State of Arkansas thinks it needs to worry about how much exercise my daughter is getting outside of school hours. I've got news for the State of Arkansas, its none of their business and none of their concern.

I looked up the law that was so sternly referenced. The text of the law was for the establishment of some sort of board to advise school districts on nutrition and exercise and recommend standards. The law said nothing about requiring parents to report private enrollment (or non-enrollment) in out of school activities. As far as I know, the State of Arkansas has no right whatsoever to demand information of this sort from me.

In fact, they don't. The school district is simply using the name of the law, to scare people into reporting when, in fact, the law is just another meaningless law creating a board seat for some political appointees to make a few bucks like the ten thousand other meaningless commissions and boards authorized by our joke of a General Assembly.

We here in Arkansas know why this sudden fascination with fat kids on the part of our state. It comes from our formerly fat governor. Our governor is running for President, or Vice President, or something. When he is a candidate for something, he loses a lot of weight and makes a big deal of it.

This time is different though, he is preaching the fat thing and making laws. I didn't mind him writing the book about it, doing the tv interviews about it, or doing all those marathons and talking about it all the time. But I do mind him going on a crusade with the attitude that since he was fat, and isn't anymore, he knows how to raise our kids better than we do and must make it law.

So we had the crusade to get soda machines out of schools. You know, I had soda machines in my school and I never got as fat as the Governor was. I did not need that law, the Governor did. Neither of my kids were as fat as the Governor was when soda machines were still allowed. They did not need that law.

The Governor, an alleged conservative Republican, got a burr under his saddle about smoking in restaurants and got a law passed to put a stop to smoking just about everywhere. Now I don't mind passing a law preventing smoking in public buildings, but us conservative Republicans believe that a private property owner ought to be able to allow smoking, or not. It is his property and his place of business. If someone wants to open "The Cancer Bar" and cater to chain-smokers, that ought to be his right. Anyone who doesn't want that atmosphere can stay away. They can even open their own "No Smoking Pool Hall" if they want. Unfortunately, we have a "conservative Republican" governor who thinks its up to him and the General Assembly to decide.

A bar or restaraunt does not have to please everyone. Some people do not like meat-eating and consider it unhealthy. Should we pass a law to prohibit meat-eating at restaurants? No, people who don't eat meat can just stay away.....just like I stay away from the health food place. I do not go into health food places insisting they carry Cheez Whiz. But its okay for the governor to go into a bar and insist they stop allowing their customers to smoke.

I can tell you that our Governor has gotten his last vote from this conservative Republican. I know a conservative Republican when I see one, and there isn't one in Little Rock. I think I am going to go out and buy my kids some Hostess Twinkies in honor of our governor. I believe that I will go buy a jar of Cheez-Whiz and devour it in his name and share some of it with my kids. There is not a bleeding thing he can do about it.

Patrick Henry warned us to guard our liberties and trust no one who approached "that jewel". Be suspicious of any government body that tries to get in your business, even those who claim they are doing it for your own good.

Winthrop Paul Rockefeller

Winthrop Paul Rockefeller, the Lieutenant Governor of Arkansas, died last week and I am heartbroken. It probably sounds strange since I only met the man once for two minutes and am a poor Arkansan while he was the 283rd richest man in the nation. But its true.

When people hear the name Rockefeller, they think of wealth, oil, and power. When I hear it, I think of public service, humility, dignity, and most importantly, honor.

Winthrop Paul Rockefeller was the son of Winthrop Rockefeller. The elder Winthrop came to a mountain-top in Arkansas to get away. But poor, sad old Arkansas, got into his heart. Something called him down from his mountain-top into the pig-sty that was Arkansas politics. He ran for governor as a liberal Republican in a state that knew neither liberals, nor Republicans. He towered above the pettiness, and he won, and Arkansas won.

Winthrop Rockefeller dragged our state into the 20th century kicking and screaming. The election-stealing, scandal-ridden, political machine that had ruled Arkansas for 125 years struck back with whispering campaigns, class warfare, legislative obstruction, and the race card. They blindly attacked this good and decent man until the Democrats of Arkansas themselves could no longer stand it and replaced their goons with reformers of their own.

And then, like Winston Churchill after World War II, the people rejected him. To them, the war was "over". They wanted no new dynasty, even a benevolent one. They said "thank you very much sir, but you can go now". He had accomplished much, but not the things he had dreamed of accomplishing. The rejection crushed him, and too soon the giant man was buried on his mountain.

And so it was, the people forgot and moved on. But on the mountain there was still a Rockefeller. The people were curious, but didn't pay much mind of the enigmatic figure. These Rockefeller's were still sort of "other".

Winthrop Paul Rockefeller was the son's name. He graduated from a school in Texas with a degree in ranching and he tended to the mountain. He was quiet. But then, at some point, Arkansas got into his heart, maybe it was there all along. Something drew him down from the mountain. He followed his father's footsteps.

He started travelling the world and opening doors that only open to Rockefellers. When he got behind those doors he didn't talk about oil, or stocks, or a corporate takeover. He talked about Arkansas, and jobs, and industry, and opportunity. He didn't publicize his efforts, he just did them. Tirelessly.

He began to serve in other ways. Leading his beloved Boy Scouts. Serving the nation as a spokesman for rural affairs. Serving as head of the State Police Commission. He never said much about it. His fellow Arkansans were paying attention though and they slowly got to know him, and found that there was not much to dislike about this "other". Finally it came, he drew a deep breath, and threw his hat into the political arena. Lieutenant Governor.

They often say that the Vice Presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit. The second spot in the smallest state west of the Mississippi doesn't even come close. A powerless position in a powerless state. Why in the world would the 283rd richest man in America want such a worthless job? Well, sometimes its not so much the value of the position as it is the value of the man. Lt. Governor Rockefeller took that smallest of soapboxes and made it his, and made it ours. The fact that he had been elected and had the voice of the people behind him seemed to embolden him. He didn't use his position to advance himself, he used it as leverage to reach into the lives of individuals and make a difference.

There are thousands of places the 283rd richest man can be, and most of them don't involve Arkansas, or pickup trucks, or duck blinds, or kids in wheelchairs, or Boy Scouts.

I followed his career, I admired it, and I wrapped a lot of my hopes for my beloved state up in him. It is so very rare when you see a politician who you KNOW will try to do the right thing. I might not have agreed with him on every issue, but I KNEW that his position had come from thought, and consideration, and a sense of duty and right and not from self-interest or self-promotion. Not since his father had I felt that. When he announced that he was running for Governor I said to myself..."FINALLY!".

Now he is gone, and I am heartbroken.

Many in our state saw the new reports and were sad for a moment. But most of them are not political animals. He had not fully come into bloom in their conciousness. He did not get to run his campaign, he did not get to complete his father's legacy, he did not get to show us what a real Governor is. He didn't get to try to help us be the people he wanted us to be with the government we deserve. Many Arkansans do not realize the loss they have experienced. They do not realize that they have lost that rarest of rare birds, a selfless politician who cares about them and identifies with them.

But some of us do realize, and we won't forget.

He was a quiet man, with a deep voice, a brilliant smile, and a dignified quiet way. He didn't respond to insults, and he remained humble and positive until his last day. He was an Arkansan.

The Rockefeller family is not "other", they are a beloved part of us. They are part of our history, part of our immediate past, and who knows, maybe part of our future.

My condolences go to his family, he will be truly, truly, missed.

Is the Northeast Happy?

The 1st Congressional District in Arkansas should be called "Fortress Democrat". Its one of the most fiercely loyal Democratic Party strongholds in the United States. I can't figure out why.

The 1st District encompasses northeast Arkansas and much of the Delta region. It has high unemployment rates, high poverty, low development, and a high minority population. It has been a development backwater for at least a century or more, if not always.

So I must admit that I am stumped. After 150 years of one party dominance, are these people satisfied with the improvements that their voting patterns have produced? Are they satisfied with their position relative to other districts within their state and their position within the nation? They must be, because they continue to vote for the status quo. One definition of insanity is "continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results". By this definition, the 1st Congressional District is insane.

Democratic control is maintained by a combination of promises. Free prescription drugs, farm subsidies, and Social Security. In other words, the promise that the smooth flow of government checks will continue, and perhaps increase.

The fastest growing and most dynamic region of Arkansas is the Northwest. The only part of the state where the Republican Party has had input. That region was also a poverty stricken area. It was geographically isolated with notoriously poor transportation links to anyplace important. Yet it has seen a burst of economic activity and wealth generation.

The 1st District has a lot more going for it. It has easy access to the aorta of the nation, the Mississippi River. It has some of the best farmland in the United States. It is situated right next to a decent-sized urban area that has established itself as a major American transportation hub. Yet with these geographical advantages it has fallen farther and farther behind Central and Northwest Arkansas.

The people there are not that different from the people in Central and Northwest Arkansas. The tax rates are the same. They share the same set of laws and regulations. Yet they are vastly different. The obvious explanation is the lack of a two-party system and a desire to remain dependent on the industry of poverty.

I have no solution. All I can do is ask, how many more centuries will the people of the 1st Congressional District give one party the steering wheel? If after another 150 years the region is still mired in poverty will you try something else? Maybe the 1st District should draw a line in the sand and tell the Democratic Party that they have only 100 more years to get us from 49th the 48th. All we ask is a little progress every century or so in exchange for our votes. It might be worth a try.

Southern Dumplings

We have an argument going on in my house. It's over dumplings. As in Chicken and Dumplings. When my wife and I got married I was surprised to find that her dumplings were thick and round and bread-like in the center. The dumplings I had known were as flat as a nickel, cut into squares, and sort of slippery.

I lived with this with only moderate complaining. But I missed the dumplings I was used to. So recently my wife relented and made a batch and I made a shocking discovery. She has ruined my children.

My children thought that the flat-style of dumpling was disgusting and refused to eat them. I tried an appeal to family heritage. It did not work. I tried equating the flat dumpling with the doughy strips on a cobbler, knowing that they like the gooey-ness of those. The chicken/peach comparison did not meet with success either. I appealed to Southern patriotism. My wife objected to this.

My irritated wife insisted that the thick bready dumplings were the true Southern dumplings and that my flat ones were a yankee concoction. I retorted that the flat dumpling was the true Southern dumpling and that hers were some sort of mutated German dumpling. This did not sit well since she has no Germanic limbs on her family tree and I do. She attempted to turn the argument using my German heritage as a weapon.

This was a specious argument however since the flat dumpling was descended through my mother's side of the family. A family that dwelled farther back in the Southern woods than any other. My mother's side of the family had only been out of the woods twice in the last 200 years. Once to send sons to fight for General Marmaduke when the yankees invaded and once to avenge Pearl Harbor.

A quick look at Google also showed that its top results for "Southern dumplings" were also of the flat variety. But I admittedly did not look very closely and questionable results. Unfortunately, neither my wife, or my children, were impressed with my high-tech evidence either.

I'm afraid that it's too late to save the flat dumpling for posterity in my family. Hundreds of years of flat dumpling history will end with my generation. A chain, hundreds of years long, leading deep into the backwoods of history, has been broken. A pretender will take the place of the true Southern dumpling in the heart of the generations to come.

Maybe the grandchildren can still be saved.